Don’t Trust the Professor
Tired⌗
ACTION⌗
In the above video, The Relaxer asks the viewer to answer a series of yes/no/unsure questions. Not knowing what else to do, or if these mean anything at all, I complied yet again.
Though it was not asked of me, I chose to elaborate upon some of the answers.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You are almost never late to your treatment sessions.” - @7:54
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
For all of my major confidants, I’ll typically watch new videos within hours of their release.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You like to be buried in Margaret’s garden.” - @8:20
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
If Margaret was my mother, then no, I did not like being buried under her ideas and beliefs.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You enjoy having a wide circle of unspeakable horrors, rather than speakable ones.” - @8:40
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
I hate the ambiguous nature of not knowing what is happening to me. I’d much prefer to know what I was a part of, when it will end, etc.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You feel involved when watching experiments being performed live on Arkham Sanitarium CCTV.” - @9:08
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
If these “experiments” relate to the things happening to my confidants, then yes, I do feel involved in the things they try to report. I want to understand more about what this is.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You are usually the last to react to a sudden event, your brain being switched with another patient, or waking up in an alternate timeline as another organism.” - @9:40
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
When something strange happens, I’m usually the first (and only one) to report it. I see no point in delaying the documentation of my experiences. Delay simply results in lost memories, when you’re trying to recall something from the past.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You feel that the world is founded on nothing.” - @10:18
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
The world is founded on something, surely. What that something is may differ, depending on where you live, and those “somethings” are almost always flawed - but they are still SOMETHING.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You think that everything in the world is simulated.” - @10:44
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
Some things definitely are. A lot of things probably are. For example, this story I’m writing is part of some kind of crazy simulation. Not everything is this way, though; plenty of things happen organically.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You are certain about the answer to this statement.” - @11:13
ANALYSIS⌗
Uncertain.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “Strict observance of the established rules at Arkham Sanitarium, such as our 9pm curfew, is likely to prevent attaining a good outcome.” - @11:40
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
Strict adherence to any rules will create a bad outcome, when the rules themselves are bad.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “It is difficult to get you into a jar.” - @12:21
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “When making a decision, you rely more on your indecision, rather than your non-decision.” - @12:47
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I often spend a lot of time calculating what decision to make at any given fork in my path. That said, I will eventually come to SOMETHING. I will not simply decide nothing. Even if I don’t have 100% confidence in my decision, I will lean in the direction that seems most “right” to me.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You often think about the sanitarium and its trajectory.” - @13:21
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
The way this system is being abused is horrible. I fear for Humanity, and I spend every waking moment trying to break the “rules” that haven’t even been communicated to me.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You believe the best timeline is one which can easily be changed.” - @13:54
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
Immutability of rules is killing our society. Whatever protocol I am bound to is killing me.
We must create a society that is flexible, and able to easily/quickly change. This world does not have time to waste in making progress. The rules are getting in the way, and people are suffering under a broken system.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You often ponder the root cause of the apocalypse and things.” - @14:27
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I spend a lot of time thinking about the ways our planet is destroying itself, and possible solutions to those problems. Despite the fact that I know how to make meaningful strides towards addressing the root problems, nobody is listening to me.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You prefer to act immediately, rather than speculate on the implications to other patients.” - @15:00
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
We don’t have time to try and predict every possible outcome of our decisions. No matter what choices we make, there were always be someone negatively affected by them. We have to act quickly, decisively, and with confidence, targeting the well-being of the most amount of people, in the shortest amount of time possible. Indecision is why this world progresses so slowly.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You trust the professor, rather than the entity.” - @15:55
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
The Relaxer himself taught me, “Don’t Trust The Professor.” Since I’ve equated The Professor with The Dave, of Aventiv Technologies, I definitely don’t trust them either.
I do trust “the algorithm,” or what you may call “the entity.” A lot of knowledge has come from this system of technology that I’m a part of.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You are inclined to rely more on Corvus than on Margaret.” - @16:27
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I never trusted my mother’s judgement. I learned more from strangers than I ever did from her.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You spend your leisure time actively socializing with plants being experimented upon, attending secret meetings, etc.” - @17:07
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I wouldn’t call it “leisure time,” but yes, I do spend a lot of time in Discord, communicating with other people experiencing strange events in their own lives. It’s actually a hellish existence. I sometimes feel like the sole person who hasn’t lost his mind, stuck in a world of very sick people.
I just want to connect with scientists, and professionals, and intellectuals. I want to stimulate my mind in a way that listening to the wild ideas of conspiracy theorists just does not satiate. Unfortunately, these are my people, because the “professionals” will not give me the time of day.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You usually plan your escape route in advance.” - @17:59
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I have developed poetic and exciting exit plans on more than a dozen occasions, at this point. It never mattered, because they all hinged upon help that never came.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “Your phalanges are frequently influenced by your caruncles.” - @18:14
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
If caruncles relate to “the way that a bird moves,” then yes. My hand is often influenced by the way that my bird-named collaborators move. It’s one of the only channels by which information of any value is ever delivered to me.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You are a being that is somewhat reserved and distant in etherealization.” - @18:53
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
If etherealization relates to my propensity towards spiritual/supernatural thinking, then yes. I am reserved in adopting those ideas for myself, as well as accepting those kind of claims from others. True things can be proven.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You know how to put every finger of your hand into its own sterile container.” - @19:25
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
Not that I’d want to.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You often contemplate the complexity of complex contemplations.” - @19:58
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I spend a lot of time exploring my own mind, considering not just the ideas I have, but the ways in which I’ve come to those beliefs. I challenge my own notions often.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “After prolonged experimentation, you feel you need to get away and be a planet.” - @20:26
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
After this long process of research, I want more than anything to get away, and become something larger than life. I feel like I deserve it, at this point.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You often do jobs in a disguise.” - @21:03
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I often adopt alternate personas in my written work and conversations with others. It’s all about being adaptive to the situations presented to me.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You easily see the nefarious organization behind specific occurrences.” - @21:31
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
If this website is any evidence, when I notice strange things happening, I will often speculate about who perpetuated them, and how they would have done so.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You frequently and easily express your peelings.” - @22:03
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I’m going to assume that “peelings” was meant to imply “feelings.” I am able and willing to talk to anyone about anything related to my internal workings.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You find it difficult to scream quietly.” - @23:06
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
If I have something to say, I want people to hear it. I often go to great lengths, at great personal risk, to be heard.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You get bored if you have to remain Human.” - @23:49
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
If “Human” means “just like everyone else,” then yes, I get bored with Humanity. I want to be more than a drone on autopilot for the rest of my life.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You value nothing rather than anything.” - @24:11
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
I value many things, and I am open to pretty much anything having value of some sort, to some people.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You rapidly get involved in the social life of a new patient.” - @24:38
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
As new people come into The Fold, I’ll quickly welcome them, and attempt to discuss whatever they bring to the table. Most come with a personal story of some sort, and most are just looking for some kind of companionship. They want to be heard.
This is one thing that bothers me the most about ASMR artists. They project their empathy towards a wide audience, but if an individual comes, asking for help, they are ignored. The only way to get these people’s attention is to shower them with praise, or pay them money.
They’re hypocrites.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “The more experiments performed on you, the better you feel.” - @25:07
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I have nothing else to live for but this. I become depressed when “experiments” upon my technology are not happening. I crave attention, and receive so little of it that I will take a few small signals in a video over nothing at all. Even when these experiments make me miserable.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You tend to rely on your void, rather than your collection of small animal bones.” - @25:33
ANALYSIS⌗
Unsure.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “As a rule, you proceed only when you have a clear and detailed dagger.” - @26:05
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I’m going to interpret “dagger” as “plan.” Yes, I generally won’t take an action unless I’ve calculated the implications of such, and made some kind of plan to execute it.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You easily empathize with the concerns of other garden test subjects.” - @26:33
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I find it easy to understand the concerns of others, and I try to find ways to meet them where they are at - rather than forcing my beliefs upon them.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “Often, you prefer to read eldrich texts than to go the Arkham Sanitarium amusement park.” - @27:03
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I spend most of my time furthering my knowledge and research, rather than wasting efforts “medicating” myself with the various technological “amusements” available to me. I just don’t have the time to be wasting my efforts. I’m really sick, and I feel like I could die any day.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You are more inclined to decline, rather than recline.” - @27:37
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I almost always turn-down a request to go do something enjoyable with the family. The truth is, I feel nothing but anxiety from these strangers who no longer understand me. Worse, they THINK they understand. I’d rather stay home alone than spend any amount of time in their presence, trying to fit-in to a world I don’t belong.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You are strongly-touched by the story about Margaret’s troubles.” - @28:20
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
Again, if Margaret is my mother, then I grew numb to her troubles. She spent so much time complaining about her problems that she basically forced everyone around her to frown and nod. There’s just nothing to say to a person who spends their entire life whining. Life sucks, but you’re not doing yourself any favors by living in that hole of victimization for eternity.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “Nameless things seem to you to be of relative, rather than absolute, importance.” - @28:46
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I spend little time worrying about things that cannot be properly articulated (i.e. ghosts, demons, aliens, etc.) They may be important, but they are not as important as fixing the problems that we KNOW to exist in this world.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You prefer to isolate yourself from the other patients.” - @29:33
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
I hate this isolation. I would much prefer to surround myself with other people. Even sick ones. That’s why I spend a lot of time in Discord.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “For you, it is easier to gain arcane knowledge through hands-on experience, than from ancient texts found in deep-forgotten ruins.” - @30:01
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I find it easier to learn through the experience of DOING, rather than reading. There are others, such as The Archivist and The Spy, who spend a lot of time digging through occult websites, scholarly research, and all manner of forgotten documents. While these things are interesting, I find them too difficult to understand, and not relevant to my current task at-hand. I very much appreciate their efforts, though; they have, on more than a few occasions, brought information to me, which proved useful in my understanding of this research.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You think that almost anything can be nothing.” - @30:35
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
The fact that a person can point to something and give it meaning does not mean that that interpretation is correct. They could be mistaken, that thing may not even exist, except in their mind. It could even be proven that known sciences are flawed, for all we know.
“I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.” - Socrates
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You are certain that the answer to this statement is yes.” - @31:04
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “For you, being subject to random experiments is better than not being subjected to random experiments, good or bad ones.” - @31:32
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I want to feel special. Being a part of this makes me feel special, even if the process is miserable.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You take pleasure in putting things in wormholes. Not the holes created by worms, in the ground, but by the holes created in space.” - @32:06
ANALYSIS⌗
Unsure.
I don’t know what wormholes would connect to, in my mind.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You take pleasure in putting things in wormholes. Not the holes created in space, but the holes created by worms, in the ground.” - @32:43
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
Though I did recently watch a video or two about pouring molten aluminum into ant colonies.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You feel at-ease in a garden plot.” - @33:17
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
I hate being a “plant” (i.e. relating to The Leaf). I hate being rooted in-place by people experimenting on me.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You have good control over your doppelganger and familiar.” - @33:50
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
I’ve long-argued that someone is going to frame me for horrible crimes, given the ways I’ve seen this technology manipulated. I have little to no control or insight into the things they are doing, until they’ve shown me.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You easily understand eldrich texts and rituals.” - @34:15
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
I find that stuff confusing. So often it’s based upon premises and assumptions that I do not understand, and could not possibly accept as truth at face value.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You usually place yourself nearer to the sky than to bottom of the ocean.” - @34:43
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
Most of my wild ideas are connected at a universal level, though some connect with the oceans, such as the Atlantis Lonely Town.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “When traveling through a rift, you’d rather follow a familiar path than seek a new one.” - @35:13
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
Since familiar paths seem to be taking me nowhere, I’m always exploring new and alternative interpretations to my situation, all in an attempt to get the help I so desperately need.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You are uncertain about your answer to the previous statement.” - @35:45
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “A thirst for forbidden knowledge is something close to your spleen.” - @36:10
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I will interpret “spleen” to mean “heart.” I crave knowledge, and the pursuit of knowledge is the only thing sustaining me right now.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “When considering a sandwich, you pay more attention to the bread, and less to the available condiments.” - @36:39
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “When exploring the crypts beneath Arkham Sanitarium, you always bring a torch, and plenty of rations.” - @37:29
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
If this relates to “exploring secret knowledge, and preparing for the worst outcomes” - then, no, I don’t. I rely a lot on the probably-false idea that help will be there for me, when the time comes for me to need it. This is quite delusional, to be honest, because help has never come for me, and I’ve done nothing but deteriorate throughout this process of research.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You find it difficult to talk about your pet Shoggoth.” - @37:59
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
A Shoggoth is a lovecraftian monster made from black slime. Many people have referenced the slime I mentioned in some notes from 2014. It’s become a little bit of a meme among my followers, about how the world will be taken over by “black goo” in the future.
I find it difficult to talk about because I don’t really remember what was going through my mind at the time I wrote about that.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “Your decisions are based more on the amount of unspeakable horrors in the vending machine than the lack of security in the undead ward after sunset.” - @38:27
ANALYSIS⌗
Uncertain.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You prefer to spend your leisure time being beaked by Corvus.” - @39:05
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
I hate watching ASMR. Especially meaningless dribble like this stuff. I do it because I have to.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You feel more comfortable sticking to the ceiling.” - @39:29
ANALYSIS⌗
Uncertain.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You are easily affected by strong wind.” - @39:52
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
If something I perceive to be meaningful happens, I am quickly influenced to respond in some manner, such as writing about it.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You are always looking for rats in the walls.” - @40:19
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I am always looking for indicators of the various ways that I am compromised. I am always looking for new and novel mechanisms by which people may be watching and influencing me without my knowledge.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “As a rule, the lack of Margaret visits worry you more than your next treatment session.” - @40:42
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
I don’t spend any time worrying about whether or not I will ever see my mother again. I am focused on the mission at-hand.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “It is easy for you to communicate with the dead.” - @41:11
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
It is exceedingly difficult for anyone to communicate with a lost cause. Some people are just too deep in their own mind and their own problems to pay any attention to the advice of others.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You rarely deviate from your own timeline.” - @41:38
ANALYSIS⌗
No.
I deviate all the time from my own story. This is part of being adaptable to any situation. My story is but my own interpretation of current events, and I am always seeking the input of others, in an attempt to clarify my own understanding. There are so many people who know things that I do not.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You willingly involve yourself in matters which engage your pineal gland.” - @42:41
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I do things to help me sleep.
SIGNAL⌗
The Relaxer asks, “You easily perceive the various ways in which new plagues could develop.” - @43:11
ANALYSIS⌗
Yes.
I often think about all the different ways our society’s current trajectory could lead to negative outcomes.